What do I have to live for
by Admiralkirk
Summary: Carmine takes a look back at his life and everything that has happened during the crash in the third game, he thinks of only one question "What do I have left to live for"? Join him in his personal view of the war from different points in his life and follow him as he discovers a reason to continue on even with his entire family dead. Contains language and possible sexual innuedos.
1. From a different perspective

**What do I have to live for**

**A/N Hey this came to me because I started reading some more Gears fics and I thought, why aren't there more Clayton stories? I mean serious I think I found a max of four so I'm gonna add 1 to the tally. I also realize my other gears story is still in progress but this will hopefully be short unless I suddenly started getting cool ideas. Anyway I also noticed that there are even less romance fics for Clayton so here's my answer. Lastly don't get angry at me for choosing the match, I really didn't want to make a new character so don't flame me. P.S **_**italics**_** stand for Claytons thoughts and past events. It will be in first person. I will also tell you when I'm flipping to third person which is my more usual for me. **

_It had been a few days since Marcus' father had let off his weapon and effectively made the Lambent and Locust extinct. Everyone was happy and partying for days but in the back of the minds of the few Pendulum survivors who remembered how fast war broke out after. Marcus was especially paranoid about this but knew it would never happen but then again Marcus hadn't been holding up very well since his father died mere inches away from him._

_You had to feel bad for the guy he spent almost the majority of the war thinking his father was dead, suddenly he finds out he's not only alive but was kidnapped and forced to work on a weapon to kill the lambent. When we finally find out about him he's was a captive of the locust horde on a nearly impenetrable island. When Marcus and his team finally found him he went to go activate weapon that we found out would also kill the grubs, even though Adam apparently didn't like the idea I personally did. _

_It was only then I showed up full of energy and using one hell of a powerful gattling gun. Man when I saw that giant bug attacking my friends I actually got worried but then I saw that The Bitch was riding it and I decided it was time to show that I wasn't just a grocery boy. I loaded up the gun and sprayed every bullet I could during our pass but that bitch was the luckiest grub on the planet._

_Somehow none of the bullets hit her and the shield to protect her was on the other side I could barely believe my eyes. But I was in a helicopter to I knew I'd have another pass in a few second but once again luck was against me and the bug shot it's heat beam at our copter. I could feel my skin heat up and bur in the more exposed areas but luckily the helicopter was going fast enough to come out before I died._

_I noticed right after the light was done blinding me that the raven was on fire and I shouted over the com "We're on fire! We're on fire! We're going down!"All I could think of at that moment was my brothers Anthony, Ben and Daniel who was killed much earlier in the war before he could enter service. Their faces flash before my eyes._

_My childhood with my three brothers, my family and my friends. I saw the day the locust first attacked and the great flashes the Hammer strikes made. I remembered the day I joined the army and the first grub I ever killed. The rest went like a blur that was streaked with blood. Then I saw the day I learned my brother Anthony died. I could barely believe but when he gave me the tags I knew it wasn't a dream. I cried for days keeping myself awake all night for days and during the day I made every attempt to make the locust I fought suffer for their crimes against my family._

_But then I saw the day I learned that Benjamin, my last living relative, was dead. There was nothing left to live for in my life; now family, friends, or anything except to see more locust die. And that's what I did, I grew a blood lust and I never showed mercy to any enemy. But to my surprise there weren't many grubs left to fight since the tunnels had flooded. I was filled with grief knowing that my little brother had died mere days before things started to turn back to normal. _

_But something nobody ever expected was the lambent, I was happy… in a way, I could shoot at anything I wanted and not only did it satisfy my blood lust, even though it was yellow goo, and that it it allowed me to let off steam… they exploded making the whole thing that much better._

_The rest was a huge blur, mostly because living on Vectes sucked more ass then when we had Jacinto. Back at Jacinto at least the grubs knew when to quit an attack and give themselves time to regroup but these Lambent never gave up never retreated and didn't care for their own lives. Thank god the only thing we had to fight was the polyps, one shot and BANG! But they evolved and learned a way to get under us like the grubs and even learned how to use dogs and other animals._

_In my opinion there were two things that came good out of living on Vectes for awhile was I finally got some bacon from the farms we had and second Sam was able to get me the tattoo of my brothers. I totally appreciated it. It was one of the few times I had spent some one-on-one time with her._

_He had constantly tried to get to know her but she was either trying to get Dom's attention or was arguing with Baird. Damn when they got at each other's throat it got intense. It was so bad once after we left Vectes she actually pulled a gun on him. We all actually thought she was going to shoot him since when they were fighting Baird went a bit farther than just insulting her because he was drunk as hell. He had made fun of her for liking Dom and even went a bit farther by saying something about her father making her snap. _

_To everyone's surprise Anya was able to talk her down enough to drop the gun but still hoofed Baird in the balls. That was his usual punishment but he fell in pain all the same. Baird would never have told anyone but Sam told me that he actual had apologized to her. Apparently everyone thought I was a good person to talk to and admit stuff because I apparently had nothing to really live for if we ever made it out of this._

_I didn't really care I forgot half the crap they told me anyway there were only a few I still fully remember like when Cole talked to me about his mother who he didn't know if she was dead or not. Hell even Dom talked to me about Maria but for some reason that conversation with Sam stuck in my mind. I just thought it was because it was the rare occurrence that Baird showed some compassion for anyone._

_It was almost clear as day to me even almost a year later…_

Clayton was in the mess hall all by himself enjoying the last bacon he had stored from Vectes. It was just one of those days where you didn't really care what the consequences might be for anything you did and Carmine had eaten almost all the bacon he had today and wasn't at the stage where he regretted it yet… although he was getting really close since he was down to the last few strips.

He was about to grab another strip when he heard the doors open from the far end of the room and out of instinct grabbed his lancer only to see his Sam in the doorway. He lowered the gun and Sam said "Jumpy aren't we?" she asked with a chuckle and walked over to him.

Clay grabbed another strip and slid it under his chin piece of his helmet and said "How can you blame me, the last attack from the Lambent has made us all jumpy" Sam chuckled and said "For sure mate but I got some really weird news for ya"

Clay took another bite and nodded asking her to go on wonder what could possibly be exciting enough to be called weird around here. "Well you remember how Baird pissed me off and I pulled a gun on him? Well he came by last night and actually apologized to me for it!" Clayton actually gasped in surprise and said "Baird?... apologized… to 'you'? Are cats living with dogs now?" he asked jokingly.

Sam said chuckling "If you're referring to the apocalypse I think we've already achieved that" Carmine didn't laugh knowing she was right and slouched. Sam noticed his discomfort and said "Sorry for bring that up Carmine I just thought it would be funny" Carmine nodded and said "Ya I know it's just I don't need to be reminded"

Sam put a hand on his shoulder and said "I know you whole family is gone but I'm sure that you'll find a reason to get through this at some point" Carmines heart skipped a beat when she touched his shoulder and he lifted his head and said "Ya maybe one day" Sam smiled and said "I'll see ya around Carm" she got up and left. Carmine couldn't help but watch her leave and admire the sway she had in her walk and took another bite of his bacon.

_Ya that was the first time I felt something besides hate, anger, remorse or anything slightly negative in a long time and I thought it was only because in the back of my mind in the discussion I knew Baird had a soft spot. But after that I was back to my normal self, only interested in finding another fight._

_Finally the day came when Cole, Baird, Sam and I were sent on a supply run. That day was in my opinion the beginning of the end, the day that we went on the path to save the world although at the time I thought it was the worst day possible. Cole had somehow persuaded Michelson to allow us to go visit Hanover and personally I didn't care, I'd been on these runs time after time._

_I've learned that no matter where you go the Lambent were there trying to find every living thing to either kill them or assimilate them and as he suspected Hanover was no different except they had a nasty surprise but I'll get to that in a second._

_On the helicopter ride there all I could hear was Baird whining about why we we're going to Hanover and as usual Cole shrugged it off and told him how it was his town. Sam had asked me why I was o quiet and I said a remark about Baird being annoying like usual. Lately I'd grown to make fun of Baird more myself too and it somehow made me feel better._

_She chuckled and said she'd gladly gag him but I shook my head but thanked her for the offer. We travelled for maybe a few minutes and like usual Baird and Sam started bickering when suddenly a light shined on u sand a stranded stopped us. _

_We asked him if he wanted to trade with us but he gave us the usual stranded welcome with all the insults included. But he had to take it too far and said a lewd comment about Sam offering us bacon for her. Even though most of my mind went to the smell of bacon I kinda wanted to blast his head for saying that to Sam. Luckily for the bastard up there Cole refused and got directions to get to some other camps._

_We kept going and met the new wildlife the Lambent had to offer and eventually made it to the next camp and saved it from attack. We barely made it through the fight since we had near no ammo left but the stranded in this camp recognized Cole and gladly gave us a large cart of ammo that we helped ourselves to before continuing to the stadium. _

_Once again the Lambent met us right as we left the gate and fought to the stadium and found it locked up. Man I was so close to opening the door when Baird made his smartass comment about using the chainsaw as a make shift key when we were once again attacked with two Gunkers. That shit burns man and after taking a few near misses it started actually damage my skin._

_We barely managed to fight the gooey bastards off and right as I was turning around to cut the chain Sam took charge and cut the chain and kicked the door. I still feel a bit embarrassed from that, she totally up showed us._

_Well anyway things got worse when the Lambent totally kicked our asses when they got inside the stadium and we eventually got up some overly dangerous elevators. That's when the most surprising thing happened all day; we found the Locust alive and well on a freaking bridge! I was actually welcoming of this, I could finally kill the Locust again and avenge my brothers._

_We found out while we were on the bridge that the ship was under attack and after Baird made a half ass plan and a lot of dead grubs we dumped a pile of Tickers on the Leviathan attacking the ship but like I said it was a half ass plan and the Leviathan was Lambent and exploded destroying the ship and the bridge. It collapsed and we started to fall. For some reason I don't remember my life flashing through my eyes that time and I'm happy for that because we never actually died._

_We saw the Locust were on their way to kill and salvage anything they could and raced to warn everyone. We found Marcus and Dom half dead near the water almost drowned to death. Marcus got up pretty fast and was worried for Dom who did spit out the water in his lungs in time to survive. I could see how happy Sam was about that and in a way that made me happy._

_Marcus explained a few things the most surprising of all was Prescott was alive and they kept talking about something else that I seriously didn't care about, I just wanted to get back in the fight but Marcus told me and Sam to head back to the ship and help the salvage effort. I was pissed off but at least I had Sam to keep me company. _

_We walked away and heard explosions as we left but heard everyone yelling from the com so we knew they were ok and kept walking. On our way Sam suddenly asked "So Carmine how do you feel about being kept from the Grubs?" I was still a bit angry but felt better knowing someone else had to suffer like him and said "Could be worse, I could dead" for him it was a terrible thing to say because he instantly regretted it but Sam chuckled thinking nothing of it. Her laughter made him feel better for some reason and they found the makeshift camp and started supervising the salvage op. _

_After that everything was a total bore, I never got to see much action after that since every time I caught up to my friends they were always leaving again to find another fight. To make things worse he was alone and he was really missing Sam's witting charm and tomboy attitude. _

_But he finally heard news from Cole and Baird who had found their Gorasni friends and Carmine was on the first copter to fly to their ships. After that you know the rest how I came in during the attack and got owned by Queen Myrrah. _

_Ok so now that you've caught up here's where you can just watch but it may not be that long because I'm still in the helicopter and I'm still about to die._ _So sit back and watch me perish._

_In my mind I was thinking about why I should survive this. Yes I was thinking about why surviving would be the best choice by whatever force is in charge, in my mind I was thinking how dying would be easier for him and his family so they could all be reunited and he could finally find some happiness. How could it be the wrong choice I mean I was literally only living to kill grub and glowies and now that whatever was happening was either humanities salvation or destruction it wouldn't mean anything if he just quietly passed away in a flaming inferno… ok that was an oxymoron so shut up._

_My point is that even if this war ended and we all survived I'd have nothing to go back to, no home or family and ya I did consider Delta my family but it's not the same you know. So why did saying that make feel like I was lying what could possibly be the reason why I think I shou… _

_Ok third person now…_

Clayton wasn't able to finish his thought when the raven smashed into the ground throwing him around the small area instantly knocking him out. He thought he was dead but suddenly his head hurt a lot and he slowly opened his eyes to find himself staring towards the sky, he saw a flash of energy come from the top of the tower and thought "It's got to be over now"

He suddenly noticed he wasn't wearing his helmet and slowly got up through the pain and saw his helmet a few feet away. He walked over and picked it and wiped away all the gunk and put it on to find a small crack in one of the lenses "Come on that was specially made" he whined .

He looked over and saw the pilot was alive still and called over a passing chopper and helped the gear to his feet and got a ride back to the front of the giant hotel. He saw the huge crowd of gears all whooping and hollering saying the fight was finally over and Clayton could barely think as he too got caught up in the excitement but before he too started chanting he saw his friends all standing near the beach.

As he got closer he could see why and saw Marcus and Anya on the beach enjoying the last day before their new tomorrow began and Carmine smiled. But the question came back to mind again "Why should I continue to live on?"

Unlike Marcus and Anya they had each other, Dizzy had his daughters, Jace still had his dad. Not to mention Cole and Baird had each other since Cole had told him they were best friends. But his gaze stopped on Sam who had walked away from the group a bit and he could see through her slouch that there was something wrong.

Clayton started to follow her as his friends started to scatter to mingle and he found Sam all alone staring at the beach wrapping her arms around herself into a hug that was more meant to shut everyone out.

Carmine came up from behind her and asked "Sam? Are you ok?" She didn't answer and Clayton got closer and put his hand on her shoulder like she did so long ago but she shrugged him off and Clayton tried to get more in her view and said "Come on Sam talk to me" but Sam said with a cold emotionless voice "Go away Carmine"

Carmine felt a bit hurt and had no idea why she was suddenly so hostile since he last saw her and said "Come on Sam what's wrong?" That when she turned and gave him the death stare, the only person who had ever received that face before was Baird right before he got kicked in the nuts. Carmine backed off knowing messing with her was a terrible idea until she sighed and went back into her self-hug. He could see a tear and asked again "Sam what's wrong?"

Sam sighed again more heavily and said "You haven't heard?" Clayton was confused and said "What haven't I heard?" Sam looked up with her eyes filled with tears now and said "Dom's… dead"

**Alright that was one hell of a long chapter for me at least… 3.5 k that's pretty good for me. Anyway there will be another chapter if you were wondering. Anyway this will be a short story hopefully and I'll try to have the next chapter up soon. If you don't agree with Clayton and Sam being together then why'd you read this far? But seriously I don't want flames because I know everyone is more into BairdxSam but I did something I wanted to do. Anyway review and tell me what you think and I'll have the next chap up soon.**

**Admiralkirk**


	2. What now?

**What do I have to live for**

**A/N Well here's the next chapter, I told you I'd be back and now the story will go more towards the love part, the last chapter was more for everyone to see Carmines side of the story. The last chapter also served as a way to get you to understand what Carmines thinking. Well I'll stop talking so you can read.**

**Chapter 2**

Carmine froze and stared at Sam though his helmet and said "What are you talking about?!"Sam said pointing to the crowd "Don't you understand? Look out there do you see Dom?!" Carmine knew for sure she was telling the truth and sat down on a nearby bench and put his hands to his head "Oh my gawd, what happened?"

Sam sat beside him and said with her head still down "He sacrificed himself to save us… that's all I want to go into, ok?" Clayton nodded and said "If you need help you can come talk to me, ok? I know how you feel so I'm here" Sam nodded and said "Thanks Clay, I appreciate that"

Carmine nodded but didn't leave, the news of Dom's death was hitting him way to hard right now and for some reason he wanted to be there for Sam because of how torn up she was. He knew how close Sam had gotten to Dom and losing was something that she may never recover from without help. Carmine could hear her sobbing again and put his arm around her and held her close and she leaned into his side.

Carmine didn't say anything knowing letting it out was good right now. He watched the crowd and how happy they were they all had a future now but Clayton sat with Sam who was completely destroyed and he was debating whether he wanted to live any longer. It was a terrible position for both of them but Carmine knew he had nowhere else better to be then right by her side like she did awhile back.

He noticed after a few hours that the party had started to disperse as the night dragged on and he decided going inside might help Sam so he turned to tell her they were moving but to his surprise she was asleep. He sighed but smiled from behind his helmet and did the only thing he could think of that didn't involve waking her.

He slowly and gently picked her up and walked to the front door of the hotel and found a nice room for her. Since they had found a way to open all the doors through the security system he just walked in and laid her down so she could rest.

He knew that waking up in a new place then where you fell asleep would be confusing so he wrote a quick note to explain how she got there and stopped and just looked at her. He realized he was staring at her curves and her figure. He almost got stuck like that but shook himself back to reality just in time and walked out so she could sleep and remembered the number.

He walked back outside to find Baird alone watching everyone partying and Carmine walked over to him "Hey Baird why aren't you having a good time?" Baird turned and said "I could ask the same of you" Clayton shook his head and said "I don't know, I just don't feel right. I've been living for the last three years to kill as many grubs and glowies as I could for Anthony and Ben and now that it's over I feel… nothing"

Baird didn't laugh but said "Well that's for you to find out, as for why I'm here well half the people down there are civvies and some Stranded and I'm really not in the mood to get a disease from them right after we won"

Clayton chuckled and said "Ya I guess you make a good argument, anyway I suggest you grab a room before all the good ones are taken" Baird suddenly snapped into a run accidently pushing Carmine as he came by yelling "I call the penthouse suite!" Carmine laughed and followed at a much slower pace and unlike Baird just took as room on the bottom floor like he had placed Sam in and decided to go to sleep.

He stripped off his armor and took off his boots and finally his slightly cracked helmet and placed it in the small closet his room had. He had been wearing a muscle shirt under his top armoer and only his boxers under his army pants and found a pair of pajama bottoms and put them on and sat on the bed to test how comfortable it was and suddenly felt sore all over. All the fighting and almost dying came to him and his entire body was rocked with pain and he groaned.

It wasn't anything serious just his muscles finally relaxing and laid on the bed and instantly fell asleep from exhaustion.

In the morning Carmine got up feeling sore still and had a hard time getting up out of bed, he didn't bother to find any new clothes and walked out of his room wearing his old muscle shirt and the pajamas he found. He was so tired and sore he wobbled a bit as he walked to where he wanted to go which was Sam's room to check on her.

He knocked on the door three times and heard someone say "Come on in!" Carmine turned the knob and opened the door to smell eggs and ham, not quite bacon but came from the same animal. "MMM what are you making?"He asked looking to left where he heard the sizzling.

He found Sam at the stove looking back at him; she too had found some random pajamas and her tank top and said "Carmine! Why'd you stop by?" Carmine walked closer and took a seat in one of the other chairs and said "Just wanted to check on you because of how you were last night" She smiled to him and said "Well even though that's nice of you I'm fine and thanks for find me a place to sleep, here you want some? I found it in the fridge apparently the Locust don't like eggs and ham"

Carmine gladly nodded and smacking his lips while grabbing an extra plate and took half the ham and two eggs. He hadn't realized how hungry he was but didn't have to worry about that for too long. He savored the taste and moaned feeling the taste in his mouth. He gulped down his first bite and heard Sam giggle at him and he said "What, we haven't had decent food in a long time"

Sam chuckled and took another bite, that's true but isn't that a bit over kill?" Clayton shook his head and said "Lady if you knew how much I enjoy meat we wouldn't be having this conversation" All he got as an answer was a chuckle and a nod. They ate in silence except Clayton's occasion moan of satisfaction until they were done. "Were you a master chief in your past life?" he asked complimenting her cooking. Sam smiled and said "No I don't think so but thanks anyway" Clayton smiled knowing he could make her laugh even after all that happened and said "I don't want to leave you with the dishes but I promised myself I'd talk to Marcus about something if I made it through this damn war"

Sam nodded and said "Ya go ahead I'm fine" Clayton thanked her and ran outside then jogged outside. He looked around the building until he went back to the beach he last saw them at and to his surprise he saw both Marcus and Anya lying in the sand when they slept. He almost decided not to go over except Marcus suddenly got up and walked a bit away from Anya and Carmine jogged over.

Marcus saw him coming and said "Hey Carmine, how are you handling this?" Clay shrugged and said "Fine I guess but I need to ask you something" Marcus nodded and said "Let me guess you wanna know about Ben, well I'll tell you but you may regret it" Carmine said "I don't care he's my brother I want to know"

Marcus nodded and started "Your brother was with us when the rift worm attacked, that you know. But when we took off in our evac raven he wasn't strapped in and was shot so when debris hit the copter and it started spinning he was thrown out before anyone could grab him" Clayton could handle that and said "So that's how he died and you just found him in the worm?"

Marcus shook his head and said "No he survived that fall and if he weren't shot he may have made it but when we found him things that lived in the worm were eating him alive, he was still barely alive when we chased off the things and he told me to tell you that he loved you… beside his tags I found this letter for you" he handed him a letter and tags then walked away.

When Clayton heard the last part of the story he could hardly believe what he was hearing, his brother was eaten alive what kind of death was that, it was worse than Anthony, it was nice and quick no pain but Ben he suffered until his very last moments. Clayton could barely hold back his tears and decided to head back to his room to read the letter.

When he was almost to his room he felt a tear start drifting down his face and picked up the pace so no one could see him cry, he walked to his bed and sat down so he could read his brothers letters.

"_I hope you're doing well out there, Clay. I'm not sure where you are but I trust that the COG will get this letter to you safely. I know you'll be excited for me, but it would be great to hear from you before I ship out"._

"_I wish Anthony was still here bro, I really miss him. I take comfort knowing he died a hero, but still… I miss him, as I'm sure you do too. Well, you know I'm not that good at letters, so I'll keep this short. Hope you're doing well, big brother, and know I'll be doing my very best to serve out country and make you and our family proud"_

"_Your little brother [aka the squirt] Ben"_

As Clayton finished reading the letter fresh tears fell on the letter getting it wet. Clayton didn't feel angry like he did when he found out Ben had died but now for some reason it didn't feel worth it. For once in a long time Clayton started full out crying and sobbing uncontrollably. It wasn't because is entire family was dead but with his families luck he'd have an even more horrifying death that would mean absolutely nothing. How he could think any worse way to couldn't think of especially since this war was now over.

He had been crying for around ten minutes when he heard someone knock on his door "Carmine, you alright in there?" He could tell it was Sam and said "Y-ya… I'm fine" Clayton responded trying to hold back his gasps for air but Sam saw right through it "Carmine I've you for awhile you did make the dumb choice of putting you room right next to mine" Clay rolled his eyes and said "Fine come on in"

Sam opened the door and said "What's wrong Clay? You look like Baird after he's tangled with me" Carmine was able to let out a chuckle and said "I just learned how Ben died and that Marcus had this letter hidden from me all this time" He didn't think Marcus was being bad he was only protecting him from a hard truth and he almost regretted asking.

Sam had a frown and walked over and sat beside him "I know how bad it seems right know but understand that that you survived for a reason and I'm sure your brothers are watching glad that you're alive" Clay nodded but still didn't know why he survived but he was hoping the answer would come soon.

Sam patted his back with a warm smile and Clayton said "Thanks for the help Sam, you know when you're not getting pissed at Baird you know how to help people" Sam smiled and said "Well I owe for helping me out last night" Clay nodded and said "You know you still owe me a beer remember?" Sam nodded and said "I'll keep that in mind as soon as I find out where the bar is" She smiled and walked out and Carmine felt a bit better.

After a few minutes of silence he thought "I really should go find the bar, drink might do me some good" the pain of Ben was starting to come back to him and he had solved a few of his problems with a drink.

Days later…

Carmine was in the bar having the umpteenth drink in the last hour. For the last few days he had spent most of his time here and occasionally someone came by for him to talk to like yesterday Marcus dropped by wanting someone to talk to about his father. All Carmine could think about when people came was "I'm still the shoulder everyone cries on" Frankly he didn't care much because the only thing he felt like doing was drinking and half the time he never said anything they just felt good talking about it.

Today he had spent a bit more time in the bar then normal and like almost every day Sam came in to try and make him leave, he would quietly ignore her which was starting to grind on her nerves almost as much as Baird.

Today was no different and Carmine was actually able to time it now 11 o'clock right on the dot. Sam came over and surprisingly didn't start pestering him right off the back and asked for a beer and Carmine asked "So I guessing Baird really pissed you off today?" Sam nodded but didn't go into it and about half the mug of beer in one go and said "Well at least I don't waste my entire life here, go out and do something we finally have peace"

Carmine turned to her a bit wobbly and said "Maybe this is what I want to do" but Sam scoffed and said "Ya right, like you of all men would like to spend your time drinking your sorrows away because you have no family left" That hit Clay harder then they both expected and he said "Sam I told you I'm fine now take your drink and leave me alone"

Sam continued on her quest and said "Why should I mate, know as much as I do that I feel exactly the same as you right now" Carmine looked at her and said "No you'll never understand what it's like to have your entire family killed by the grubs and for them to have been killed in ways that meant nothing. When Dom died he saved all of you what did Anthony do when he got shot in the fucking skull or how about Ben, did he accomplish anything while he was being eaten alive?!"

Sam scowled at him and said "Carmine calmed down try to think of what your brothers are thinking of you right now" That threw him over the edge and he yelled "What did you just say?! Don't you try to use my brothers against me, get the fuck out of my face before I do something we'll both regret!"

Sam actually looked scared and slowly got off the stool beside Clayton and walked away and took one glance back at her angry friend but didn't come back. Carmine instantly felt terrible for yelling at her but didn't follow and actually stopped drinking.

After half an hour of sitting there doing absolutely nothing he got up and staggered to the lobby of the hotel which had become their new home and came to the front door to leave the building and the light glared into his eyes and he waited for his eyes to adjust.

He instantly found Cole who walked over to him to help him stand and said "Wow Carmine you're actually outside did you finally drink the bar dry?" he joked but Carmine shook his head and said "No I felt like I needed to get outside" Cole smiled and said "Well anyway I just saw Sam come walking out awhile ago, she didn't look to happy Baird must have hit her harder then we all thought"

Carmine cursed to himself on the inside and said "Ya she came by and told me that, she even had a drink with me while trying to get me out of the bar" Cole nodded and said "Well she looked pretty upset when she passed and she refused to talk to me"

Carmine nodded and said "Thanks for the help Cole I think I can walk now" Cole smiled and said "No problem baby anytime" Carmine walked away a bit more steady on his feet and asked "Where she go again?" Cole pointed west towards the beach and Carmine nodded in thanks.

Carmine wasn't quite ready to start jogging but kept a fast walk occasionally stumbling but didn't fall. Eventually he started to feel like he was on a wild goose hunt and nearly stopped himself but saw someone sitting in the sand and hope that it was Sam because if he much further he was going to hurl.

As he got closer he could see it was at least a women and she was holding her knees close to her chest staring out to the ocean. As got even closer and felt his stomach turn for a second but held back his gag reflex.

He finally got close enough to see that it was in fact Sam and he walked over and she apparently didn't know he was there. It was only until he sat down beside her with a loud thud because he could barely stand that she broke out of her trance and said "What do you want asshole" Carmine lowered his head but knew he deserved that and said "I wanted to apologize for what I did, I didn't mean to yell"

Sam scowled at him and said "Ya well it hurt all the same" Carmine almost felt like this was a waste of time and said "Well even though you probably don't believe me I'm really sorry and that I'd really like to make it up to you somehow. I've seriously have been trying to find my purpose on this world but I can't find one and it's really starting to get to me and mentioning my family is only making me feel worse"

Sam frowned and said "I'm sorry for bringing it up but you said you'd like to bring it up to me, how?"

**Well that's the new chapter and I'm really surprised how fast I got this out. Well anyway I'll try to get another chapter out again soon.**

**Admiralkirk**


	3. Goodbyes

**What do I have to live for**

**A/N these are coming really fast and I think it's because I'm a bit more passionate about this because the Carmines are like my favorite characters. Well anyway I know I'm going so fast I don't have any reviews but frankly I don't care I'm writing this to write it.**

**Chapter 3**

Carmine froze not expecting her to take up his offer so easily and soon and said "Oh so you want to do that now?" Sam chuckled and said "Yes of course dummy it's only fair" Clayton rolled his eyes and realized he didn't have his helmet to hide when he did that stuff and Sam gave him a smirk like she were winning somehow.

Clayton thought and said "Well I know how hard you've taken Dom's death and I'm pretty sure you're not at peace with this…" He paused in his sentence to see how she was taking that and she nodded and he continued "And I was thinking maybe it would help if we had some type of proper funeral for him and to make our final goodbyes?"

Sam surprisingly smiled and said "Ya that sounds about right" Carmine nodded and said "Well I think I'll go and get over this hangover and think of what we can do" he was going to get up but Sam stopped him with a hand to his shoulder and she said "Don't worry mate, you need some outside time so you're staying right here"

Carmine said "Sorry but I think I'm gonna throw up any minute now and I don't think you want to be around when I do" She nodded smiling even though she personally thought of Carmines puke all over her was disgusting and said "Well then you owe some outside time" Clayton nodded but jokingly said "What I owe you another and I haven't even repaid the other one yet? Anyway I'll have some ideas by the end of the day" She chuckled as he got up and wobbled away back towards the hotel.

He made it about halfway to the hotel when he finally threw up and horked up his breakfast and all the alcohol he had drank. The smell was disgusting and he walked away to stay away from it. He found Cole and Baird out front now and he could hear Cole asked "So Blondie how's you penthouse suite?" And Baird responded "Not at all what I expected it's not big and the Locust had already gotten in there and fucked up the place so I'm basically using it as my new lab"

Cole laughed and saw Carmine and said "Hey did you ever find Sam?" Carmine nodded and said "Ya she was just having a bad morning and I helped her out" For some reason Baird gave him a suspicious look and said "Ya sure, I totally believe you" Carmine said a bit angry "And what's that supposed to mean Baird"

Baird smirked and said "Let's just say I know why she was upset" he chuckled as he left and Cole shrugged totally confused but Carmine followed him and said "Baird! Tell me right now" Once again Baird chuckled and said "I heard everything in the bar, you totally exploded on Sam and wanted to make amends" Carmine asked "So what does it matter?" Baird smirked and said "Alright if it's not that bad then why'd you just lie to Cole and me?"

Carmine shrugged getting frustrated "Because I'm not gonna just tell people how I got angry at Sam when she's going through things" Baird chuckled and said "Man I know you and you don't explode on people like that and you don't try that desperately to say sorry" Carmine suddenly started to get worried and said "W-what are you talking about?"

Baird smirked and said "Don't even lie to me, I may not be very social but I can still see when there's more than just simple friends" Carmine said knowing where he was going with this "You're not seriously saying I like Sam?!" Baird nodded with a smirk and Carmine said angry "I… don't like… Sam" he stormed off hearing Baird laughing and growled.

He went back to his room and said "I don't like Sam" trying to convince himself. He started debating other things to convince himself and said "Why would she like me anyway, I'm no Dom. Besides I don't think she would want to try and love anyone again since he died" all those type of thoughts ran through his head until his mind settled on one image… Sam… "Shit maybe I do"

He was now sitting on his bed and couldn't get her out of his head and said "C-come on, I mean she's obviously is attractive but I don't think I like her" He thought about what Baird said "He better not tell anyone especially her" He finally found a way to get all these thought out of his head when his stomach growled and his mind went to his other love… "Love!? No I don't LOVE Sam"

He shook his head but quickly went back to his previous thought which was bacon, luckily he found some bacon awhile back and started making some for lunch and after it was done he ate and his mind started drifting and he thought "I wonder how she'd act if she ever found out, probably wouldn't jump into my arms, probably more like she'd punch me or kick me in the gonads.

He shivered at the thought since he Baird had told him how much that hurt. He finished and his hunger went away and he started freaking as he remembered he promised Sam he'd have some ideas by the end of the day. He startled fumbling to grab a pen and paper thinking of ideas.

After an hour of thinking he had two crappy ideas in his opinion either they made a personal grave stone for them or they could say goodbye with paper boats which now that he thought about it sounded like shit. He was tired of thinking and left his room wanting to do something else and possibly think of something else.

When he got outside Jace showed up and Carmine said "Haven't seen you in awhile Jace, where ya been?" Jace said looking a bit tired "I've been working on the new school for the kids that came here, my pops is gonna be one of the teachers there" Carmine said "Well that's great, what are you up to now?" Jace sighed and said cracking his back "I think I'm gonna take an extended nap"

Carmine chuckled and said "Well I was bored and thought you wanted to hang out but ok" Jace left looking more tied and Carmine kept walking and the school fully built but nobody in today because the day was already half over. He continued down the beach to find other things happening that he had missed down in the bar like the hospital that was planned was up and running. Not only that but a church was up, he had never been much of a church guy but whatever brought you some clarity and made you happy he wasn't going to argue against. Lastly the new residential areas were almost done since the hotel couldn't hold everyone surprisingly. Not only that but they were preparing for the population overload that they would eventually get now that very little people were dying these days.

Carmine sighed happily feeling great for some reason from all this, it made him think of the old days before the E-day when his brothers were still alive. He frowned as he remembered that his brothers weren't here anymore and he had to accept this.

He walked back and found Cole being followed by some admiring fans and Carmine laughed and thought "He's the only celebrity left on the planet, he's got a lot to live up to. Maybe he can start Thrashball again" he chuckled and kept walking.

He was still thinking of ideas on how to say goodbye to Dom when suddenly he heard a voice yell "Hey Carmine!" He looked over and his heart skipped a beat when he saw it was Sam and he thought "_Maybe I do like her_?" But he got the thought out of his head when she came to talking distance and she said "I heard something about you from Baird"

Carmine froze and said "W-what did B-Baird tell you?" he thought "_If he told he's gonna die_!" She chuckled and said "I heard you're actually enjoying yourself outside without me, I thought you owed me?" Carmine sighed on the inside and said "Sorry I forgot" Sam smiled making Carmine smile and she asked "So you have any ideas for tonight"

Clayton's heart skipped a beat because the way she said it sounded like it were a date but shook his head and said "Only two" he handed the paper over to her. She smiled after reading it and said "I like the first one so what type of tomb stone were you thinking of"

Carmine said "I was thinking more simple then that, nothing over done, just… something" he couldn't think clearly with Sam with him and Sam said "Maybe more of a rock grave stone as a memory to the fallen, I was thinking it would help you too if we did something for your family" Carmine had never thought of that before and said "Thanks Sam I'd appreciate that" She nodded and said "Anytime Carmine"

Carmine said as she was walking away "Aright tonight after six meet me here and we'll make the grave" Sam turned smiling "It's a date" Carmines heart skip a few more beats from that comment and knew that she was just joking. Not only that as she walked away he caught himself staring at her more intently then normal thought "Yup I like her"

He started walking back to the hotel when suddenly heard laughing and turned to see Baird laughing beside a palm tree and Carmine said "What are you laughing at?!" and Baird was barely able to say "You haha when she mentioned date haha you froze up so badly!" Carmine walked over not wanting him to yell it to the world and said "Why do you even care about anything that happens to Sam you detest her?"

Baird wiped away a laughing tear and said "I don't it's just really funny to see you squirm around her" Carmine scowled and said "There's got to be another reason you're spying on me"

Baird sighed knowing he'd keep getting this question until he either stopped, which wasn't happening, or he told him "Because believe it or not I do care for Sam a bit and knowing your families track record she may not want to go out with you" Carmine scowled even more "And what the hell does that mean?"

Baird said "It means I don't want Sam hurt again because her boyfriend dies again!" Carmine was barely holding back his temper and Baird said "What you angry come on hit me!" Carmine didn't hesitate and smashed his right fist right into Baird cheek and nearly knocked him out and made him almost fall over but Carmine didn't stop and kicked him down to the ground but stopped knowing any further was a coward's move.

"You wanna say anything else asshole?!" Carmine asked towering over him but before Baird could say anything they heard Cole yell "What the hell are you two doing, this isn't how a team works" by then he had grabbed Carmine and pulled him back Baird was up with a sore cheek.

Clayton got out of his grip and said "That bastard said I was bound to die anytime soon because of my families past!" Cole said "Wow wow, why'd you say that to Carmine?" but Baird said "I was just angry that's all, leave me alone" Baird walked away making Cole confused but Clayton glared at him with a burning anger but walked away in another direction so he didn't kick Baird's ass again.

When he calmed down a bit he started to wonder why Baird went to those lengths to discourage him, Baird may have been a jackass sometimes but he knew where everyone's soft spots were and avoided them except when he was drunk but he didn't smell any alcohol on him so that was out.

He came to only one conclusion but that seemed impossible, all he could think of was "Does Baird like Sam too?... Nah impossible" He had no idea and kept walking and noticed the sun was getting lower in the sky and decided to go get something to eat.

He walked back to the hotel and when he got back the sun was just above the horizon which surprised him. He quickly made a sandwich then bolted out the door and ran for the spot on the beach he told Sam to meet him at.

He saw her on the beach she was wearing a green tank top because this place was really hot no matter what time it was and blue jeans. He slid to a stop near her and breathed heavily and Sam said "Just a bit late, that's gonna cost ya" Carmine shrugged getting his breath back and said "Whatever just add it to my debt"

He finally got his breath back and walked over to Sam and sad "So how are we gonna do this?" She smirked and said "Well since this idea was mostly yours your gonna build the rock mound and also because I am girl" Carmine groaned and said "But all the rocks are way over there" he said pointing way over across the beach to a place with large rocks and Sam chuckled "Remember your plan" He groaned starting to walk and said under his breath "Why the hell do I like you again?"

After half an hour of lugging heavy rock after heavy rock Carmine had to take off his shirt as the last rays came over the island and the heat still wasn't going away. A few times he picked a rock up wrong and it cut him and he cursed and once he even dropped a particularly large rock on his foot and said "Maybe Baird was right I got some bad luck"

All the while he could hear Sam laughing at him while she lounged on a chair reading a book. Finally after about two hours of working Sam said "Ok you can stop now look how many you got" Carmine was sweating and breathing hard and looked at how many rocks he had collected and turned out he grabbed enough to make a mountain.

He suddenly said "Let me guess I'm building the mound too?" Carmine was relieved when she shook her head and said "I think you've suffered enough" she picked up a rock followed by Carmine who and they started making the memorial mound.

Shortly after they started he heard Sam yelp and he turned to see that she had dropped the rock on her foot and Carmine jogged over and picked it up and said "You alright?" Sam kicked his hand away when he went to check her foot and said "Carmine it wasn't that bad" He started blushing but hid it by turning around and said "Just being a nice guy, I thought you argued with Baird to get attention"

Sam glared at him and said "Oh if it's like that I guess you should get down here and grovel some more" Carmine smiled and rolled his eyes and continued working. Sam kept working despite the 'terrible' injury she sustained and soon there mound was big enough for both of them and Carmine put his muscle shirt back on and said leaning against a palm tree "About time"

Sam smiled leaning against him with her arm and said "Ya" Carmine like the feel of her hand on his shoulder and said "So you wanna say something for Dom first?" Sam frowned knowing this was coming and said "Ya give me a minute" She walked towards the mound and bent down to her knee.

Carmine couldn't hear anything she said but saw at first tears then a smile then finally she pulled out a small flower from her pocket and placed it between two rocks and nodded before turning around and said "Your turn Carm"

He nodded and walked forward and took a knee. "Where do I begin, I guess I'll start with Daniel. I'm sorry I wasn't there Dan, when I heard that the Locust killed when you were alone I almost gave up fighting in this war thinking we could protect our people in our cities. But I was proven wrong when they started to overwhelm us and sink the cities. I love you bro and I hope you're with mom and Dad right now" He pulled out a picture of Daniel and placed it on a rock.

Next he said "Alright now for Anthony. Well what can I say I was even more broken down when I heard you got a bullet in the head. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help either. Other then that I love you too and I hope you don't have a raging head ache right now" He placed a page of Anthony's favorite history subject, The Battle of Aspho Field.

That's when he pulled out the letter from Ben and his tags and said "Hey little bro, I left you for last because you were last and your death was the worst. I loved your young spirit and how you were always enthusiastic about everything. I know how you died and I couldn't take it. You died for nothing but I'll make sure that you are never forgotten but I need to do something so I can also move on" He pulled out a lighter and lit the letter on fire followed by the history page and stopped at the picture.

It was his only memory left of Daniel and debated whether to get rid of it until he heard Sam say "What are you doing?!" Clayton turned and said "This is how I'm coping ok?" he turned and kept the picture and stuffed it in his pocket and kept Ben tags. The other two things burned and he finally let out a tear and said "Goodbye guys, I'll be with you someday"

He got up from his crouch and took a step back and said "I'm done now, let's go" Sam could see that he was still a bit down and Sam asked "Carm why are you so down?" He frowned "I don't know, I said goodbye but I still feel empty for some reason" You know why I was down in the bar for the last few days?" Sam shook her head but let him continue.

"I was in there because I've been trying to figure out if I'm even here for a reason. I survived that crash and I still don't know what my purpose is, I lived to kill grubs and now they're gone" He lowered his head depressed and was about to walk back to the hotel when he heard Sam said "I think I know why you're here"

Clayton turned and she walked closer to him and said "I think you're here to help me, I don't know how much of a wreck I'd be in right now if you hadn't been there to talk to me then I might have off myself days ago" She smiled warmly and Clayton smiled back feeling better when suddenly she got closer and gave him a kiss on the cheek and said "So I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks"

Clayton was really surprised by the kiss even though it was just on the cheek and he saw her hesitate for a second before walking around him back to the hotel alone. Clayton stood there for a few minutes trying to figure out exactly what happened until he gave up from tiredness and went to bed himself.

**Wow new chapter done again in one day. Well I don't really have much to say so just wait for the next chapter.**

**Admiralkirk**


	4. A day with Sam

**What do I have to live for**

**A/N Hey here's the fourth chapter and everything is starting to heat up, I wasn't expecting to get through this as fast as I have but I'd like to thank my friend Joelcoxriley for helping me out with ideas. As for the story I don't have much to tell you so sit back and read. But one warning I will make Baird even more an asshole then normal in this chapter but I have a plan for why so just take it easy when it happens.**

**Chapter 4**

Clayton woke up in the morning feeling much better than he had in the last few days and it was probably a combination of finally saying goodbye to his brothers and the fact that he felt a reason to get up in the morning. But as soon as he moved his whole body went sore as he got up and knew it was because he had been carrying those rocks yesterday.

He was really surprised because he was a hardened gear and after a long fight he almost never felt sore later, it might have been because he never slept after a battle too afraid to fall asleep in case a grub slit his throat in the night. But now that the war was over he could finally rest easy every night and that was going to take some getting used to.

After five minutes he forced himself up and groaned as he put weight on his legs and went to the kitchen and grabbed a box of cereal he had gotten from the 'food market' if you could even call it that and made a quick bowl with milk and ate fast.

He finished and got some more appropriate clothing on. He put on a black tee shirt and his COG cargo pants without the belt. He felt some much lighter not wearing his equipment, in fact so light he felt like he was a different person all of a sudden. He looked back at his remaining COG equipment and saw his trusty overly blood stained lancer, his custom chest plate and finally his specially made helmet that had saved him from a sniper on several occasions.

He walked outside and saw a few people walking out as well coming from upstairs and walked outside behind them not wanting to be in a crowd, he always hated being in large dense crowds. When he got outside the sun was just above the horizon and he squinted as his eyes adjusted then walked towards their makeshift town they had built in a matter of days out of scrap metal and elbow grease.

He heard Baird constantly complaining about working with total amateurs on the places he worked. Apparently Baird was so highly regarded as a good mechanic they put him on construction for some reason and he still kicked other actual construction workers asses.

Clayton wasn't angry with Baird anymore because he knew Baird and he sometimes went a bit too far not to mention he said he apparently did care for Sam a bit. Clayton didn't see any of his friends up yet and took a stroll down the beach. It was more to help his aching legs but he hadn't had a decent stroll in a long time.

He once again saw the school but this time it was being filled with kids, which warmed his heart knowing that school was finally back and that their kids would finally be properly learning. The hospital to his relief wasn't busy at all and the church was filling with all its believers because it was Sunday.

He was a bit tempted to go inside and catch up with God since the last time he was there was when he was young right before E-day and all hell literally broke loose. He never went back to church after that probably because his parents didn't want to risk going in case one day the grubs popped out of the ground. He never returned after that because he could understand why a man that was supposed to love you could allow us all to die from evil hell beasts. (I don't want to offend anybody with that I'm just adding a bit more character to Clayton)

He personally vowed that there were only three things that you should believe in and those were yourself and the two guys beside you in a fire fight. He knew someone would be up by now and walked back to the hotel to find Cole and Baird were just walking out the front door, for some reason Baird looked beat but Cole was perfectly fine.

"Baird you look like shit, why are you so tired?" Clayton asked acting like yesterday between them never happened. Baird groaned and said "I could ask you the same you got a bit of a stiff walk" Cole nodded and said "I had a girl who could clear that right up, course that was when I was still playing Thrashball" Baird smirked and said "Ya because Cole couldn't loosen up his muscle without some help"

Cole waved his hand at him like an air push and said "Baird you're just jealous because no women would want to touch you anywhere" Baird gave him a blank stare but gave up and said "So anyway back to my question, why are you so stiff" Clayton sighed and rolled his shoulders and said "Eh Sam kept me up all night…" as he spoke the guys got weird faces but he continued "I mean she kept me up all night working on something" Cole sighed and said "For a second there I thought I was going crazy, what did she make you do?"

Carmine pointed way across the beach to a rock mound that was barely visible and said "It was our way of saying goodbye to Dom and my brothers" Cole nodded looking more sad then his normal upbeat style and started walking towards it wanting to make amends with Dom too leaving Clayton with Baird.

Suddenly out of the blue Baird said "That's why you were with Sam yesterday, you just wanted to help her out with Dom" Clayton turned and said "Ya but now I also know you've got a soft spot in there" and he pointed to his chest and Baird pushed his finger way and walked away lazily.

Clayton chuckled to himself and was about to walk away too when he heard a familiar voice "Hey Carm how was your sleep?" He turned to see Sam walking out smiling and he said "Pretty good but your rock workout yesterday is making me sore" she smiled and said "Well you know some pain is good for the soul" and Carmine said "If that's true I should be a fucking saint right now" Sam laughed and started walking and Carmine followed.

Carmine tried to think of something semi-good to ask and said "So how'd you sleep anyway?" and Sam said "Like a giant oversized baby" Carmine laughed and put his hands in his pocket and noticed the picture was still in there, he was tempted to go look at it but shook his head and pulled his hand out empty.

Suddenly Carmine said "So I think I owe you that time outside now" Sam smirked and said "You know you didn't actually have to that, right?" Clayton shrugged and said "Ok I'll spend my time with someone else then" but she said "Hold on there, you offered you're not getting out of this that easily" Clayton smiled and turned and said "So then 'master' what do you want to do? I offered to hang with you all day it's your job to decide the torture "

Sam laughed maniacally trying to make him regret his words and said "Well I've been meaning to to see how warm the water is and I've been trying to find a way to make Baird go in but if you're offering to be my slave for the day you should go test it"

Carmine groaned and said "Fine I'll do it but only because I was so dumb and practically gave you my life for the day" Sam smirked again and walked to the beach with Carmine right by her side and asked "Was there anyone you… you know liked back before all the shit hit the fan?" Carmine found that question odd and said "Well I was young so no maybe something stupid like a school yard crush but nothing more"

Sam nodded and Clayton said "How about you?" Sam thought and said "Well maybe one but as you said it was just a crush, nothing serious in fact he was killed soon after started to like him" She looked a bit depressed now and Clayton asked "What's wrong?"

Sam shrugged and said "I find it odd that everyone that I start to grow feelings for dies" Carmine started to feel bad for her and out of impulse gave her a hug and said "Come on it's just bad luck, now that the war is over I'm sure whoever becomes your new boyfriend will be fine" She smiled and said "Thanks Carm" they continued walking even though personally Clayton wanted to keep hugging but he knew she probably wouldn't be cool with that and kick his ass.

They reached the shore and saw Cole playing some water-Thashball with some other people who he was obviously going easy on since he was so big. Both of them laughed at the scene and Sam lightly pushed Clayton "Well go on then and test the water" Clayton groaned and took off his shirt and shoes and walked into the water slowly and when the water touched his toes he flinched from the cold.

He kept walking slowly until he was around knee height and someone behind him pushed him saying "Come on hurry up" Carmine fell in "Wow what the he!…*glug*" He came out of the water totally wet and cold and saw Sam laughing at him and Carmine said "Ha,ha very funny" he got up and waited for Sam to take off what she wanted which was only her tank top revealing a black bikini top and he grabbed her hand making her yelp and picked her up and walked farther in the water.

She protested yelling "Let me go!' and lightly punching him and he said "Gladly" and dropped her in the water. She yelped as he let go and resurfaced with an angry scowl and shivering. Carmine instantly started running deeper into the water and dived when it got to tall for him. He could hear Sam yelling "I'll get you for that you twit!"

Carmine yelled back laughing "You'll have to catch me first!" He dared to look back and saw nobody there and was confused when he heard water splash to his left and someone tackle him under water.

Here surfaced to find Sam grinning and Carmine said "You're way tougher then you look" and she grinned even more. Carmine then asked "So now that we're out here what should we do?" Sam thought and said "Do we have to do anything? We got all the time in the world to relax" Clayton shrugged and started floating on his back.

After about a minute Clayton said "Sam what to do you wanna do with your life?" he didn't get a response and looked around and saw she was gone and got back to his feet and looked around with the slightly higher profile. He was so confused until he felt something huge slam into his back and tackle him under water and was almost knocked but came back up to hear Cole and Sam laughing.

Clayton groaned in pain as he realized how much stronger Cole was then Sam and turned "What was that for?!" Sam said still chuckling "You dropped me! You're going to be regretting that all day" She turned to Cole and said "Thanks for the assist Cole" Cole nodded and said "No problem Sam" he went back to playing his easily one sided Thrashball game.

Claytons back still hurt and said "You couldn't have gotten anyone else to do that, you practically broke my back" he complained. Sam giggled which surprised Clay because she wasn't someone to giggle and she said "Aww is big Clay hurt?" she playfully asked.

Clayton rolled his eyes still rubbing his back "Ow I think he really did hurt something back there" Sam changed to a face that actually showed some worry "Oh you're being serious" but Clayton shrugged and said "I'll get over it" but she said "No no, how can I torture you all day with a broken back?" she went to his back and asked "Where's it hurt?"

Clayton wasn't expecting her to give him a backrub and said "My lower back" she started rubbing his back making Clayton sigh in pleasure. For some right here felt like a good place to say what he wanted to say and said "Umm Sam I've been wanting to OW" while he was talking Sam suddenly snapped his back into place and Clay cringed. Sam asked "What were you saying?" but Clayton shook his head feeling the moment gone and said "Nothing"

She gave him a questioning look but let it go and started to swim around with not particular place to go and Carmine started swimming around too until his foot smashed against something hard on the sand and he grunted in pain. He looked down trying to see through the water and thought it was a rock reached down and picked it up. I felt nothing like a rock and he lifted it above the water and discovered it was a fair sized clam.

No one seemed to notice he had found it and started trying to pry it open. It resisted his grip so he pulled out his trusty knife he carried around and shoved the edge into the crack. Finally it inched open and he got his fingers in enough to get a decent grip and slowly ripped it open.

Inside he found a pearl and thought "Maybe Sam would like this, I sure as hell have no idea what to do with it" He reached in and pulled it out and tossed the clam back in the water. Since he didn't want to lose it he put it in his pocket and went back to the shore and laid on the sand.

He watched Cole play with his fans for a bit longer but every time he thought he was watching Cole play his eyes drifted over to Sam who had actually decided to join the game and like he expected she was beating everyone that got in her way even Cole because he had some manners.

Clayton kinda admired how much Sam took charge and in a way he found that also kinda attractive. He was suddenly broken away from his staring by a voice who said "And what are you staring at?"

Clayton turnedto see Anya with Marcus and said "I don't know what you're talking about" Anya smirked and said "You know whenever someone says that they know exactly what they meant" Marcus chuckled and waited for Claytons answer.

Clayton said "Ok fine, I was watching them play" he said trying to cover up and Anya took the answer without much suspicion and laid down on the sand followed by Marcus and Carmine asked "So I haven't see much of you two, what have you been up to?"

Anya answered "Well I've been working on getting the population in check and Marcus has been doing much" Marcus grunted "Well I'm not that useful these days" Anya looked at him and said "Ya well that 'may' be but you deserve some time to just relax" he grunted in acknowledgment and Anya went back to Clayton and said "Now that the war is over Marcus and I were thinking about kids"

Clayton was surprised and said "You wanna have kids, man I can't imagine what it will be like with mini-Marcus' running around" that actually got a chuckle from Marcus and a laugh from Anya. "Ya well now that we've told you what we've been doing why not tell us what you've been doing. I heard from Sam you finally got out of the damn bar"

Clayton wanted to know what else Sam had said to Anya and said "Well what'd she say about it?" Anya said "She said she used her witty charm and seductive looks to hypnotize you out" Clayton almost blushed and said "Oh so that's how she thinks it went down?" Anya smirked and asked "What really happened?"

Carmine debated whether he should really tell them what happened and said "Well let's just say she… 'Motivated' me out" Anya nodded and said "Ok" Marcus could tell something was up but didn't say anything.

Carmine could see it in Marcs' face and said "I think I'm gonna get out of here, I wanted to go do some things, if Sam asks I went to the hotel" Anya nodded and said "Don't worry I'll tell your girlfriend!" she said it loud enough for him to hear but not enough for anyone else to hear but he blushed all the same.

He walked all the way back to the hotel and entered the building to find Baird leaning against a pillar. Clayton didn't pay mind to him but Baird said "Hey Clay why are you back here?" Clayton was confused and said "What do you mean?" Baird said "Don't play dumb with me you were with Sam on an official date"

Carmine shook his head and said "No it wasn't, I owed her for something dumb I did" Baird smirked and chuckled "Ya you got your brother in you" Carmine said confused "What do you mean?" Baird said "You brother Ben was pretty dumb too, good intentions but dumb"

Carmine frowned and said "Ok Baird that's enough" Baird continued for some reason "Ya I remember what he was like when he died, he was crying to his mom and you like a pussy, he couldn't stare death in the face like a man" Carmine grabbed Baird's shirt and said "Shut the fuck up"

Baird said angry "No I don't think I will, you wanna make me shut up then let's do this for real this time!" Carmine let go pushing him away and put his fist up ready to fight and Baird did the same. Carmine was so angry at Baird right now he threw the first punch and Baird calmly avoided it and said "Too slow" making Clayton even more angry.

Clayton punched again and missed again making Baird smirk and "Umm try again" Carmine couldn't take his attitude anymore and moved his arm pretending to punch and as Baird moved again he dove at his waist tackling him and they both hit the ground with a thud.

Carmine had him where he wanted him now and punched with his left fist him in the face making Baird dazed, he punched again making blood come out of Baird mouth and he changed to his other hand and angrily said "Oh a right caught you off guard with that one!" He didn't care that Baird was his friend or that he had such an advantage right now he insulted his family and him so he was making him pay.

Carmine smashed four more hit into Baird before he heard a terrified voice Yell "Carmine stop!" He was instantly pulled away by very familiar hands from his shoulder and he didn't resist because they made him lose focus for a second.

He looked up to see Sam pissed off looking down at him and he looked over at Baird who was out cold. The adrenaline started to go away and he realized how far he had taken the fight.

**Well there you have it chapter four and Carmine nearly killed Baird but he was kinda asking for it. But what will Sam think of Clayton now and will Clayton ever be able to get past what he has done? Well I know but you don't so wait until the next chapter.**

**Admiralkirk**


	5. Path to redemption

**What do I have to live for**

**A/N For anyone who thinks what I did with Baird being an extra asshole but I have my reasons so I just wanted to say that so no one gets angry at me. Lastly I want to also say that I have nothing against Baird and I'm only going to be so negative towards him for the stories sake. Ok then let's go.**

**Chapter 5**

Clayton was staring at Baird almost lifeless body when he felt a sharp pain in the side of his head and he was suddenly lying on his side and his vision blurred. He looked back up and saw Sam's hand in a fist and she yelled "What the hell's wrong with you, you nearly killed him. He may be an asshole but you don't need to kill!" Carmine wanted to so bad to tell her she was a hypocrite because she pulled a gun on him one time and nearly killed him.

He also wanted to explain why he did it but that was no excuse either, so he remained quiet not wanting to meet her gaze and she ran over to Baird and helped him up with the help of a man who happened to pass by at the time.

He didn't follow and went to his room to think about what he had done. As he entered his room he realized that he wasn't thinking about how he almost killed Baird but that mortified face Sam had and how much it dug into him. Her face was filled with angry but what hit him most was disappointment and fear.

He nodded, the fear in her eyes were so familiar when he threatened her at the bar. That's what was on his mind right now, not Baird. How strong were his feelings for Sam? he didn't know but however strong they were it was enough to make him forget he had almost killed his 'friend' the word felt disgusting in his head after what he said.

He didn't know what to do or how he could apologize for his actions, especially Sam. He knew for sure he liked her now but if Sam had any feelings for him what-so-ever they were gone now probably. He slapped himself in the side of the head which hurt more than he expected since he just got punched there by Sam and said "You let your temper get the best of you again, how stupid are you?"

He merely sighed in response to himself and his mind drifted for a while until he thought "That's all I am, a killing machine it was the only thing he had been doing most of his life. It almost seemed impossible for him to feel like he could reform back into a peaceful life. Then he thought "How could I think anyone would want to love me anyway?" this argument continued in his head until he heard a knock on the door and he almost didn't answer.

On the other side of the door he saw Marcus and he instinctively said "Hey Sarge" he didn't say it like his normal hardcore soldier self but with sadness and a slouch. Marcus looked down at him and said "First I'm not your boss anymore, second what the hell were you thinking?!"

Carmine lowered his head and took a step back from his anger and said "I wasn't think sir… I mean Marcus" he felt a like a child being scolded and kept his head lowered. Marcus said still angry "Damn right you weren't thinking, you nearly killed Baird and ruined what you had with Sam!" Carmine looked up confused and Marcus continued "Ya, that's right I saw it, she thinks you're a maniac that has no self control but I got to know what the hell did Baird say that set you off?"

Carmine said even more depressed with what he just heard "He insulted Ben about how he could stare death in the eye like a man" Now it was Marcus' turn to look confused "What? Ben died like a man, he didn't beg for forgiveness or beg me to save him. He knew he was done and he only requested that I tell you that he loved you" Carmine looked at him and said "Then why'd Baird say that? I think he tried to get me angry before yesterday"

Marcus thought and said "Maybe he's got an agenda that's worth getting the shit kicked out of him" Carmine remembered one thought from before and said "Maybe he too likes Sam and wants me out of the way?" Marcus nodded and said "It wouldn't be a far stretch since he gives her a harder time then most" Carmine now felt betrayed and angry again but asked "What should I do now?" he tried to calm down but what Baird did was beyond being an asshole.

Marcus said "Honestly I don't know, you put yourself in a deep hole my friend but if anything the first thing you should do is apologize to Baird purely so Sam will think you have a conscience" Carmine walked past him still angry but knew he was right and jogged to the hospital, in the time it took for him to get there he calmed down and asked where Baird room was and the desk women told him the room number.

He came in and saw Sam who instantly stood to her feet ready in case he tried anything and he said "No I'm here to apologize" Sam gave him daggers him but he cautiously stepped towards Baird and finally went to the side of the bed and Baird said "What come to finish the job?" Carmine's anger was back up but he kept himself in control "No giving you a warning, don't ever try to make Sam hate me again. I wouldn't care if Sam were your damn sister I'll kill you if you get in between me and her again" all of this he whispered and continued loud enough for Sam to hear "I'm terribly sorry for losing my temper and I hope we can still be friends after this"

Carmine or Baird couldn't see Sam's expression which was genuine surprise at Carmines quick change of heart but when he turned to leave she put her stern face back on. When he left Carmine could barely contain his anger and clenched his fists tightly. He was disgusted with having to say sorry to the asshole but he knew that was the first step to getting Sam's trust back.

As he left he heard someone shout his name from behind him and he was surprised to see Sam and when she caught up she asked "That was bold of you to come back and just apologize like that, maybe you're not completely stupid… but don't think I'll just look at you the same way just like that either" Carmine nodded and was going to walk away expecting her to leave it at that when she said "Why'd you attack him like that in the first place?"

Carmine sighed not wanting to tell her why he really did it and he couldn't think of anything semi-believable so he asked "What did he say?" She wondered why he was avoiding the question but said "He said you were a bit drunk from downing a whiskey bottle too fast and when he tried to help you to your room you attacked him" Carmine hated to say it but said "Ya… that sounds about right, I was gonna bring it to share with you but my drinking problem got to me and I downed it"

Sam could tell he was lying but knew he'd never tell right now and let him off the hook but was still very confused. Carmine hated lying to her but knew telling her what Baird really did this early would make her think he was trying to turn her against Baird. He knew he was going to have to take his time and lucky for him he had all the time in the world now that the war was over.

He didn't have anything else left to do today so he went back to his room, he hadn't realized how late it had gotten and by the time he made it back to the hotel the sun was almost below the horizon. He got inside and finally remembered something that he had forgotten about in the confusion today, the pearl he found.

It seemed terrible for him to keep this now that he was barely on speaking terms with Sam but he thought it would be good to keep it. So he wrapped a cloth around it and placed it in a drawer for safe keeping. He made a quick dinner feeling hungry then decided to go to bed so this miserable day could end.

**Sorry for the short chapter but I was having a bit of a hard time thinking so I stopped on that day, as for what I'll do next I'm kinda stumped but I know this will probably be the last chapter this weekend unless I suddenly get like fifty ideas and write really fast. So I'll say goodbyes for now. Please review I'd love to know what you think.**

**Admiralkirk**


	6. Got some explaining to do

**What do I have to live for**

**A/N Hey I'm sorry the last chapter was short but I was low on ideas and how to do certain things. As I said before this story may sound very anti Baird but I truly like him because he's funny and a very complicated character. Anyway let's go.**

**Chapter 6**

It had been a few days since Carmine hospitalized Baird and today was the day he was due to come out. It also wasn't that surprising the Baird was the first in the hospital and come out.

Over the past few days Clayton's rage for Baird had simmered and he came to see him out of the hospital. He had learned that Baird face wouldn't be permanently disfigured and at first he was angry at that but was glad he hadn't hurt him too bad.

He was waiting outside his room when he heard the door open and saw Baird on his feet followed by Sam, Anya and Cole. Carmine smiled when he saw Baird was fine and walking without help and said "Well you look good as soon" but Baird scowled and said "Shut up asshole, you're the reason I'm here" Clayton rolled his eyes and kept playing with the story Baird had made up for him and said "I was drunk I'm sorry, you've gone too far when you had your senses dulled"

Baird knew when to give up and walked away grumbling curses and Carmine smirked. He saw Anya and Cole follow but no Sam and turned his head back to the door and saw her giving a look that said "Explain" Instead Clayton walked away too not wanting to tell her and Sam followed not giving up.

"Clayton tell me what's up, I know you wouldn't just attack someone unless you were provoked even when you are drunk. I know you you're a happy drunk" Clayton noticed how she used his full first name instead of "Clay" or "Carm" like normal and stopped.

Sam got hopeful that she'd finally get her answer but in Claytons mind he was debating whether it was time yet. He waited there for a moment then suddenly started walking in the same direction had been going a few seconds ago and Sam slouched disappointed at how close she got.

Clayton smirked at how he was teasing her a bit but got serious again as she yelled "I'm gonna find out sooner or later, you might as well tell me now!" Clayton chuckled and said "Well I say you find out later" after that he walked away with an angry Sam behind him. Carmine chuckled as he could see he was getting under her skin more than Baird.

He left smiling and went back to the hotel which was almost completely fixed now that they had time to repair the damage Delta and the grubs had done to it and decided to go up and enjoy the view that he couldn't admire when he was shot down.

He walked to the elevators in the lobby that took him to the roof. When he arrived at the top of the tower he could see that the machine that ended the war was untouched, they kept standing instead of scrapping it for parts because they thought it was like a memorial to Adam Fenix who in the end saved them all.

He walked to the balcony of the tower and looked over the edge, the view was amazing. He could see the entire island from up here including the crater of what used to be the Maelstrom machine. He enjoyed the view until he heard the lift come up and heard footsteps. He looked over expecting Sam to have followed him wanting her answers but instead it was Anya.

"Carmine we need to talk" She said and Clayton leaned against the rail and said "Ya what?" and Anya said "You need to tell Sam what happened soon, she's been asking everyone and she's getting more aggressive with her questioning, she tried seducing Cole awhile back" Clayton raised an eyebrow surprised by how much she wanted to know this and wondered why.

Anya kept talking breaking him out of his thoughts "She really wants to know and I'm sure she's been asking you too" Carmine nodded remembering a few minutes ago and said "But how will I break it to her, she might freak out on me" Anya rolled her eyes and said "No she won't, she was angry at you because it seemed like you just beat on Baird for nothing if she gets the whole truth she'll understand"

Clayton still didn't think it was a good idea but if this secret was bugging her that much he had to tell or she might do something she regrets in her search for answers.

He nodded and said "How do you propose I say this to her" to Anya this was obvious but as she had learned from Marcus guys don't understand things like women and said "Straight up tell her, putting sugar on it is only gonna making less believable"

Carmine sighed and walked towards the lift and went back down to the bottom of the tower and walked to Sam's room. He knocked on the door and waited for a really long time and knocked one more time and the door flew open to reveal a really angry Sam and Carmine almost gave up right there.

"What do you want Carmine?" Asked Sam who leaned against the door frame still keeping that angry glare and Carmine said "I wanna talk, that's all" Sam glared daggers at him and said "Unless it's about what happened between you and Baird I don't care and I don't think you wanna talk about that since you've been hiding it from me" She closed the door just as Carmine was about to prove her wrong and Carmine paused trying to decide whether he should keep trying but knew she was too stubborn and instantly thought of a plan and saw Anya coming down the lift.

He ran over to her and said "Anya I need your help, Sam won't leave her room. Could you find a way to get her out so I can talk to her and explain to her what happened?" Anya thought it over and said "Sure I can do that" Carmine nodded and said "I'll be waiting outside to talk to her" Anya smiled and waited until he was outside then went to talk to Sam.

Carmine waited outside and after a minute or two he saw Anya and Sam leave the front door and hid behind one of the gigantic plants that was in front of the doors and waited until they passed by and heard a bit of their conversation. He could hear Sam say "I don't know Anya he just won't talk to me anymore, he used to be so friendly until…" by the time she finished she was too far away to hear and Clayton thought nothing of it and followed behind them until they stopped at a small wall to talk and Anya made a signal to low for Sam to see to Clayton to move in. He walked forward and Anya said "Hey Clay, what are you up too?" Sam turned and gave him an angry glare and said "Carmine I told you to leave me alone"

Carmine was hurt by that but didn't back down this time and before either of them realized it Anya had taken off so they could talk out there problems. Sam said "Carmine don't test me" He rolled his eyes and said "No I'm going to tell you what happened ok?" To his surprise she said "Oh and tell me another lie I don't think so"

She tried to walk around him but he softly grabbed her shoulder and pushed her against the wall telling her he meant business. She suddenly looked hopeful and Carmine said "I attacked Baird because he insulted my family and didn't relent and he wasn't anywhere near drunk" Sam let out a breath that she felt like she had been holding for days and said "Oh thank gawd I was really starting to think you nearly killed Baird because you were drunk"

Carmine sighed as he realized she accepted the answer and moved to her side and leaned against the wall feeling mentally tired. Sam said "He's a jackass and it's about time someone knocked some sense into him" Carmine said "Thanks"

A question formed in her mind and she asked "Why were you at the hotel, weren't you supposed to be my slave for the day?" Carmine froze and said "Well I found something and I wanted to put it somewhere safe in case I lost it" Sam asked 'What was it?"

Carmine almost told her and said "Doesn't matter, I put it in a drawer and that's it" He could tell that Sam was still interested and said "Come on you know how much your last secret bothered me now tell me" He knew this was way too small a secret to effect her and said "No that ones for only me to know only" Sam was still a bit angry that he didn't tell her that and said "Well Carmine you're officially on my good list again and I think I'll get out of your hair" Carmine nodded and watched her walk away with that familiar bounce in her step that he missed for the last few days and sat against the wall awhile until he felt hungry.

He walked back to the hotel and felt his stomach growl and he said to himself "Don't worry I've been saving some bacon for a day like this" He made it to his door and found the door slightly open and got into a slight crouch and pulled out his trusty combat knife and slowly opened his door and peaked in. He could hear someone rooting through his stuff and thought "What kinda person would steal from me?"

He tensed up as he opened the door further and saw the last person he would've expected, it was Sam and she was rooting through his drawers and got back to a full stand and said "Sam?!" She jumped and turned to face Carmine and blushed and kept looking in every direction trying to figure out an excuse then said "Oh Carmine is this your room no wonder all the drawers have guy cloths in them" she laughed weakly trying not to look at him.

Carmine gave her a face that asked "That's the best you got?" He closed the door making sure she wouldn't be able to get away and said "Alright why are you really here?" Sam bit her lip and said "Fine you caught me I was rooting through your stuff to find whatever it was you found awhile back" Carmine slapped his face with his palm and put the knife back in its holder and said "Why do you have to know everyone of my secrets no matter how miniscule"

That's when Sam blushed even more heavily and said "Well that's because… um, how can I say this?" Carmine crossed his arms having no idea what she was gonna say next and said "Ya?" She finally said "Remember how I liked Dom, well… I feel that way now?" Carmine's arms dropped thinking she meant someone else for some reason because he still didn't believe Sam would ever like him and said "Who?" totally clueless.

Sam rolled her eyes and said "You twit come here" she grabbed his arm and pulled him close and planted a kiss on Carmine's lips. Clayton was so caught off guard by this he flailed his arms for a second thinking Sam was about to kill but then felt the warmth of her lips n his and wrapped his arms around her and embraced the kiss.

She broke off from him and said "I been feeling this way since the party after the war ended, you were there for me when no one else was. Not to mention you stayed with me all night until I fell asleep not caring that you were missing out of all the fun"

Carmine shrugged and said "I did what I thought was right, besides I was feeling like crap too at the time" Sam looked at him worried and asked "What was that?" Carmine hesitated to tell her but hell she'd find out somehow and said "That crash I survived made me think why I was chosen to live, like did God make a draw for life for fun and I got the happier ending"

Sam said "Don't think like that mate, think about what you will be able to do that you have survived" Clayton wasn't convinced but said "So what else made you think about me this way?" Sam said "Maybe it would be easier for me to explain my side of the story?"

_Just before Adam's weapon fires_

I looked into the sky and could see the machine on top of the tower spinning up and thought "Hurry up you guys we're not gonna be able to keep this up much longer". She had some blood going down her thigh from an earlier bullet that just touched her skin and it stung but she persevered and kept fighting"

There were only a few gears still alive around her and they were slowly dropping like flies from the overwhelmingly large amount of Lambent. She kept firing and a lambent drone fell and in mid fall exploded making a few polyps around it combust as well. Her clip was empty and she quickly tried to reload fearing the Glowies would take advantage and in her haste she jammed the gun.

She could hear another of her Gears scream in pain as he was shot and hit gun lancer with as force as she could trying to get the bullet in the chamber, unfortunately for her it didn't work and she heard another man die. She pulled the loading mechanism trying to force it back but it still didn't budge and she yelled "No please don't, not now" the small stall from her gun was occasionally expected but it would usually heed to her fist and start working again but today was when it finally decided to condemn her. She cursed pissed off and dropped it and grabbed a gnasher shotgun that a dead soldier had drop and peaked up over the cover too afraid to waste any more time.

She saw a drone that had ran right into her barrel when she had pointed it and it gurgled out imulsion before roaring in her face making small drops of goo land on her face and she yelled "Shut up asshole!" She fired point blank and the gun hit it with so much force that even before the drone exploded it flew about two metres away from her.

When it exploded it splashed imulsion all over her and she yelped, usually this wasn't a problem for her but ever since she found out this shit could turn humans she tried to keep her distance from them at all times.

When she opened her eyes half a second after the explosion she looked around, to her horror she was almost completely surrounded by drudges and drones and started getting scared and shivered in fear. She started shooting every bullet she could and in the mass of flying yellow goo she remembered how Dom died and noticed she was in almost the same situation.

The lambent were everywhere and she was cornered, low on ammo and had no support left. She kept firing holding them back just barely until she heard the loudest click in her life when she pressed the trigger. She looked down and pressed the trigger again and it clicked again. She dropped it giving up and thought about what could've been.

She could see her and Dom happy together spending everyday together but it slowly faded into fire and she knew it would never happen now that he was gone and she was in her final moments as well. She waited for the end as the groans of the Lambent got louder and louder until she heard over the radio "We're on fire! We're on fire! We're crashing!"

She recognized it as Carmines voice and felt even worse knowing he was about to die too. But suddenly to her amazement a flaming Raven crashed to her left and slid across the ground tumbling over and it smashed into the Lambent making then explode over and over again as it passed her. Sam watched as the Raven continued to slide and roll down the slight incline until it came to a halt on the beach.

Sam somehow knew that it was Carmines bird and didn't go and check not wanting any false hope. She found a Hammerburst and fought for a bit longer until the Lambent started dropping losing their glow and leaking out imulsion but didn't explode which surprised her the most. She looked into the sky and saw the machine at the top of the tower shoot out a wave of energy.

It was then that she finally dropped the gun and leaned against a wall breathing heavy and said "It's over" she only knew this meant the end because she heard Adam explain his machine over the radio after Marcus had told her to help the ground effort.

After about ten minutes of sitting there she got up and walked to where she could hear the shouting from. She ended up near the entrance of the hotel and saw Baird and Cole come out; Baird was avoiding everyone not wanting to talk like normal but Cole was high fiving everyone.

Next came out Anya who was talking to one of the gears that she apparently knew and Marcus last, he looked worse than he had ever been and Sam noticed that his father was nowhere to be seen. She slouched as she pieced everything together and went over to her friends seeing Marcus pass right by them stripping his armor and Anya followed.

She watched as Anya went to talk to Marcus and sighed, she peaked up and saw that Carmine was alive and felt a bit better knowing he had survived but still thought about Dom and walked off into the sea of people.

She walked to an area where no one was and stared out at the ocean and heard footsteps get closer. It was Carmine and he wanted to know if she was ok and she didn't speak wanting him to go away. He stubbornly persisted and after discovering he didn't know Dom was gone she told him making him sit down to wrap his head around it.

She sat beside him and he asked how it happened, she told him the one part that she wanted to remember about it but refused to tell him in detail what happened. She broke down into tears and she felt a arm reach over her shoulder. It felt a bit like Dom's arm a bit, she knew that only because he had helped her to her feet during battle and somehow it made her feel more comfortable.

She leaned against him and continued to cry until sleep caught on to her and she fell asleep in Carmines arms.

She woke up in a room with that was very fancy and shot up ready for anything, all she could think about was "What the hell happened and did Carmine take advantage of me?" She knew it was a long shot but she didn't know Carmine that much until she saw a note that was taped to her chest plate and read it.

_Dear Sam_

_Hey you fell asleep last night and I did you a favor by taking you to a room you could sleep._

_Clayton_

Sam sighed and looked around the room and saw how luxurious it was and hated Prescott even more for putting all these resources on this place then for the people who were barely surviving. She tried to forget about it and got out of bed and looked down at her armor and hesitantly took them off and found some average clothes in the drawers.

She felt her stomach growled and found some Ham and eggs in the fridge surprised it was still working and started cooking. After some time passed by she heard a knock and yelled "Come in!" Carmine stepped in and said "What are you cooking" Sam chuckled and offered him some food. He ate like it was the first meal in his life and she could barely hold back her laughter and let out a small giggle making him give her a questioning look.

After he was done he complimented her cooking and said he wanted to go ask Marcus something and she let him go chuckling. She had never spent much time with Carmine and for some reason she felt really comfortable around him, she'd seem how gruesome he could be in battle and after this she learned her was a nice guy. She started thinking about him for some reason.

She thought about how muscular he was shook her head catching herself thinking about him like that and said to herself "Come on this is Carmine I'm thinking about, besides he probably isn't looking for someone right now, he can barely get past his brothers dying why would he want to risk heart break?"

She shook him out of her head until she heard a noise from outside her room, it sounded like… crying it went into the room next to her. Somehow she knew it was Carmine knowing how Ben had truly died, she only knew from what Dom had told her once and debated whether to go talk to him.

Eventually she thought about how he stayed by her side last night and walked over and hesitantly knocked on the door. She talked him into letting her in and after walking saw the man she thought was strong and almost emotionless totally broken down and felt her heart pang at his face.

She talked to him about how his brothers died and how he felt doomed to die as well and Sam felt really sad for him and gave him some comforting words and he looked like he was feeling much better. She smiled and said that she still owed him a beer and soon regretted mentioning that to him…

**Alright that was the sixth chapter and I thought telling everything from Sams perspective would make a few things clear, for now you haven't learned much but the next chapter will fully explain everything so just wait because it will be here soon. For anyone who actually cares or read up to this point I'd like to say I may make a continuation of this story and it will be a bit more action packed. Alright that's all I really wanted to say so see ya next time!**

**Admiralkirk**


	7. Full circle

**What do I have to live for**

**A/N Ok here's the next chapter and I don't want to say much right now because well I don't have much to say. Ok let's go!**

**Chapter 7**

Sam totally regretted having that beer she owed Carmine because after that he never left and Sam made it her personal mission to get him out especially since it was her fault he was in there. After days of trying she woke up in the morning and tried to think of ideas to get him out but during that time Baird stopped by and said "Sam you gonna fail trying to get Clayton out of the bar, stop wasting your time"

This was exactly what she didn't want, Baird was the only person who could push her buttons and said "Shut your trap Baird" He smirked and said "You don't seriously care about him do you? He's never going to leave that place" She glared daggers at him and said "First off I don't like, second he's my friend and that should be enough to help him"

Baird rolled his eyes and said "Sam face it you drive every man you like away, it's why I stay because you despise me" Sam didn't know what he was going with this but got right up to him and instantly smelt alcohol in his breath but was still caught up with what he said "What the hell does that mean?!"Baird laughed and said "You don't get it you Dom died because you cared for him and he blew himself up to get away from you, Carmine is using the bar to stay away from you"

Sam was tearing up and said "I told you to shut your mouth!" But Baird continued with what quite possibly was the worst thing he ever said to her "Your dad, oh he knew you were a bitch so he just got himself killed before you became a major problem" Sam punched him in the face as hard as she could and then kicked him in the balls harder than she ever had and walked away with tears in her eyes. He had hit her in the two hardest places, Dom and her dad but what was bothering her most was why he mentioned Carmine. She didn't have much time to think about it as she entered the bar wanting a drink and sat beside Clayton.

After she had a bit to drink she tried to convince Clayton to leave, she could smell he was heavily drunk but didn't care and started trying her best methods which was using his brothers and he exploded on her. Something about it hit her right at her core and she back away very afraid of him right now. She thought he was a nice guy but instead she saw how angry he could get and walked away.

What kinda thing did she do to deserve this? She got emotionally destroyed by Baird then nearly attacked by her friend. She walked outside and passed right by Cole who tried to catch her attention but she kept walking feeling tears forming in her eyes and didn't want anyone to see her like this.

She walked down the beach and finally sat in the sand allowing herself to finally cry, she didn't know why she was so hurt by Carmines anger and why it hurt her more then what Baird said. Even though she was crying her mind wouldn't leave from Carmine himself, ever since he had stopped wearing his armor she could see how strong he looked, he almost matched Dom's size and somehow it always made her mind drift to things she had thought about with Dom. She knew he had a tender side and ever since then she had thought of him 'differently'.

She had been wrestling with her thoughts when she felt someone sit beside her and it was Carmine, he was obviously sorry for what he did but Sam was not willing to let him on her good side just like that. She eventually heard why he freaked and calmed down. He even offered to make it up to her and she sinisterly asked him why.

Carmine obviously didn't expect her to ask so fast and he decided to help her out by getting her to say her final goodbyes to Dom. She surprisingly liked the idea and agreed. When he tried to leave Sam wanted him to stay but Carmine told her he'd throw up on her if he stayed much longer and she let him only if he promised to spend some time with her later.

When he left Sam could hardly wait, ya she wanted to finally put Dom behind her but for some reason this felt like a really awkward date to her. She shook her head and thought "DATE! What are you thinking he's just helping you out" her more sensible side said but her more sinister side said "Come on you can consider it a date, he doesn't have to know" Sam smirked at her idea and waited for the afternoon to come.

Later that day she arrived at the spot Carmine had told her to meet him at when they talked around noon and looked around trying to find rocks for their memorial grave and spotted a some a bit away from the spot and a plan started working in her mind and she smirked as it all came together.

She heard Carmine coming and turned telling him he was late and went on to tell him that the rocks they needed weren't quite close to their position and she told him he had to do the work because he was late and chose the spot.

He didn't like it but complied and Sam smiled seeing her plan come together. Soon after starting he had to take his shirt off and Sam went wide eyed seeing his bare chest for the first time and bit her lip thinking of dirty fantasies. She watched him while he worked and watched him as he slowly started cutting himself from the rocks and giggled at him for being such a baby about it.

When she was finally able to take her eyes off him she saw he had lugged way more rocks then he needed to and told him. He looked like a total fool and Sam offered to help him out now for the actual memorial.

Early in the effort she dropped a rock on her foot when she was staring at Clayton too long and lost her grip. It did hurt but when Clayton came to her aid like the good guy he was she pretended to brush it off but blushed when he left. They finally finished the mound and too Sam's disappointments he put his shirt back on and let her go first.

She walked forward and pulled out a flower and placed it in between two rocks careful not to damage it so it wouldn't fly away. She started talking "Hey Dom I hope you're ok with your family now but I just wanted to say goodbye. You now I really miss you and there's not a day passes by that I don't think about how I felt for you. But between you and me I think I've found someone to replace you, you may not believe this but Carmine is a pretty nice guy and well… hot. Anyway I just wanted to say goodbye and maybe one I'll see you up there" she stood up and noticed how much easier that was then she thought and let Carmine to do his thing.

She could tell this was going to be way harder then hers and could see the tears already spilling. Around the end of his goodbyes he lit a letter and page on fire making Sam confused but he reassured her and she allowed him to continue. He kept the picture of one of his brothers and allowed the rest to burn.

Sam asked him why he was still depressed and he explained his fears that he was living for nothing and Sam couldn't believe he said that and thought of one thing to say. She came closer to him and told him that he was here to help her and told him how grateful she was for it and then running completely on the moment leaned closer and kissed him on the cheek and left before she allowed her blush to show.

The kiss felt so right to her and she only realized it after she'd left and coming back would just look desperate. She went back to her room and fell asleep thinking of Clayton.

The next day was she woke up a bit sore and tired but stretched it out and made a quick breakfast. All she could think about was last night and really wanted to find a way to spend more time with Clayton and started thinking.

After her breakfast she finally thought of an idea, Clayton still owed her some hang out time and she changed to a swim suit already thinking up a plan and covered it over with her tank top and pants. She walked outside and found Clayton just finishing up talking with Baird and asked him how he slept and he griped about his back hurting.

They got walking and before Sam could bring it up Clayton offered to use his time he owed and Sam tried to act like she didn't want to do that but he persisted and said they should go swimming and Sam smirked as he said what she wanted to do.

She convinced him to test the water for her but he went in to slowly so she snuck up behind him and pushed him in and laughed. She was going to come in too but Clay grabbed her and carried her in deeper and dropped her. Even though Sam knew she kinda deserved that she chased him and tackled him. She laughed convinced him to relax and she got Cole to take him down. After that Carmine looked a bit hurt so she stopped messing with him for a bit and went to go show some guys she could beat them in some thrashball.

After playing a bit she wanted to go talk to Carmine about her feelings but saw he was gone. She had no idea why he just ditched her and saw Anya and Marcus at the beach enjoying the sun and asked her where he went and she told her he went back to the hotel for some reason and she followed really wanting to talk to him.

She started running and ran through the doors and was horrified to find Clayton sitting over Baird relentlessly punching him and ran to pull him off. She gave him a face that was totally in disbelief and punched him in the face for what he did. She thought he was a nice guy and warm hearted but from what she just saw he was just a killing machine and totally changed her perspective of him.

She helped Baird to the hospital not even thinking about Clayton anymore and had the doctors take him when they got there. He total perspective of the man she had been developing feelings for were turned upside down and a stray tear escaped her eye.

She stopped crying when Marcus came by and said "Hey I saw you carrying Baird what happened" All Sam could say was "Carmine" and Marcus growled walking to the hotel to talk to him. Sam tried to start rationally thinking and said to herself "I know Carmine; he couldn't have just attacked Baird without a fair reason"

She thought over her options and knew that Carmine wasn't going to tell her anything and went to talk to Baird. She knew where his room was and walked in to find that the Doctors weren't quite working on him yet and gave him some pain killers. She motioned for the doctors to leave then walked to the side of the bed to talk.

She stared at him until she could tell he was focusing on her and said "Baird? Why'd Carmine attack you?" Baird said after a moment "He was drunk and when I helped him to stand and take him to his room he went crazy" Baird barely said all that before having a coughing fit and Sam thought about his story.

She walked to the other side of the room and thought over this in a chair and thought after calming down and started rationally thinking "I know Carmines not violent when he's drunk, I should know I talked to him every day in the bar" He only ever got violent when she mentioned his brothers, other than that he kept his cool and just ignored her so Baird's story had some flaws.

It was then that the door opened to reveal Clayton who did look genuinely sorry and worried but until she had figured more out she was still cautious and stood to her feet but her reassured her saying he didn't want to hurt him. She didn't quite trust him but sat down seeing the truth in his eyes and let him close to Baird.

True to his word he didn't hurt Baird but the discussion they had seemed more angry then apologetic. She was going to say something until he said out loud "I'm terribly sorry for losing my temper and I hope we can still be friends after this" Sam was surprised and almost started to believe Carmine did lose his temper while drunk and watched him leave.

She looked at Baird who looked like he was thinking about something Carmine had said and left to follow him. When she came outside she saw his fist clenched and knew that apologizing to Baird wasn't real and shouted for him to turn then told him how bold he was to apologize even though she knew he didn't want to.

She asked him why he did it and he totally avoided the question by asking what the lame story Baird had given her was and he flat out agreed not even trying to justify why he did it at all and that was the tip-off that there was a deeper reason why he wasn't talking.

She let him go, she knowing he'd never talk and went to go ask Baird what really happened but found him asleep from all the pain killers and left determined to know what happened.

Days later she had asked everyone multiple times but no one talked. It was slowly grinding on her nerves and she was getting more and more drastic because she knew that all her friends knew what happened, it was the way they always tried to avoid the question and gave her misleading and usually conflicting answers.

2 days later…

She finally got so drastic she went to Cole's room because he was Baird's best friend. She knocked on the door and Cole answered and said "Hey Sam why'd you drop by so late?" Sam got right to work "Well I felt cold and I know how big and strong you are and I thought maybe I could sleep with you?" She tried to get close and wrap her arms around his neck but he took a step back grabbing her arms to stop her and said "Wow! Sam what are you doing?!"

Sam got more aggressive and said "I want to come in and spend a night with you!" Cole gently but with a bit of forced pushed her away and said "Wow I don't think so, even when I was a big star I didn't do any one night stands" Sam finally shook her arms out of his massive hands and looked angrily disappointed and crossed her arms not wanting to look at him.

Cole saw that what she said wasn't what she really wanted and said "Sam why are you doing this?" She sighed and said "Can I come in at least?" Cole knew that she was done with whatever the hell she was trying to do and let her pass by and closed the door.

Sam sat in a chair and said "I'm so sorry Cole I'm just getting really frustrated and I thought you might give me some info for some… 'compensation" the last word sounded disgusting in her mouth as she started thinking about how close she was to making a huge mistake.

Cole grabbed another chair and pulled it over so he could sit across from her and said "Sam it's alright the war has changed us all and stuff like that just becomes more normal in our heads after seeing the terrible horrors in the war, you just think that you can't possibly be as bad some other people when they've done such bad stuff" He tried to make it feel more rational for her completely forgetting she said something about information.

Sam smiled and said "Thanks Cole but you'll probably not think the same way when I tell you I did this for something stupid" Cole raised an eyebrow and said "Alright try me" he thought it was just something that she hadn't felt warmth of a man in awhile and just felt like she needed it but she sang a totally different story.

"You know that I've been asking everyone what really happened with Baird and Carmine…" Cole was really surprised as she spoke and never thought she'd want to know something so badly she'd try this but listened on "…well I thought that because you are Baird's best friend that you'd probably know what happened" She lowered her head disappointed and Cole said "Umm wow"

Sam said "I'm so sorry Cole, I'm so ashamed!" Cole said "Don't worry about it Sam nothing happened so at least be grateful about that" Sam nodded and walked to the door and Cole followed, as she came out of the door she said "Thanks, Cole but will you tell me something for my trouble?" Cole thought and said "No" and closed the door before Sam could protest. She clenched her fists in anger but gave up and went to her room to sleep.

After that she never tried anything very drastic and even started to give up thinking she'd never figure out what really happened and waited for the day that Baird would get out of the hospital. She walked to Baird's room and came into see him on his feet and she gave him a rare smile while Cole was talking to him.

After the doctor told Baird he was good to go and that he'd have no permanent damage they all walked out and Carmine was outside. Sam took the quick opportunity to go ask the doctor if Baird had said anything about what happened but she shook her head making Sam sigh.

By the time she came back Baird was walking away with Cole and Sam saw Carmine start walking behind them but he stopped and looked back like he knew she was looking at him. He knew exactly she wanted and walked away trying to avoid her but she stopped him.

She asked him what happened, it was the first time she tried asking him since the day Baird was hospitalized and he looked like he was gonna tell her but started walking away making Sam get more angry than ever before and yelled that she would learn what happened.

She went back to her own room totally giving up on learning what happened. She couldn't take getting shot down over and over again and started taking her fury on a punching bag she had gotten installed in her room a few days ago. She barely heard the knocking at her door over her hitting and walked over to find it was Carmine.

She didn't care what he had to say not wanting to talk to him for awhile but he suddenly said he wanted to tell her what happened. In her anger she yelled back saying he'd just tell her a lie and slammed the door in his face. She continued to punch the bag with more aggression again until once again she heard knocking at her door.

She walked back irritated thinking it was Clayton again but she saw it was her friend Anya. "Sam said calming down "Hey Anya sorry for the face but I thought you were Carmine, man I really don't want to see him again right now" Anya chuckled but said "Come on cut him some slack, he wants to apologize" Sam shook her head not agreeing and said "So anyway why'd you stop by?"

Anya lightened up and said "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out and maybe get your mind off all this?" Sam smiled and thought of how much of a great friend Anya was, she not only watched everyone's back and helped them when they needed it but also had Marcus on top of all that who had just lost his father and best friend.

She smiled and nodded but as they left felt compelled to talk about Carmine as they left the door she said "Anya I need to talk to you about something" she smiled and nodded for her to continue "It's about Carmine…I never knew him that well until we stopped fighting and he started becoming so friendly" Anya said "Ya I noticed what's the problem" she knew what the problem was but acted like she didn't know so she'd continue.

""I don't know Anya he just won't talk to me anymore; he used to be so friendly until he beat down Baird, I know he's not telling me the truth on why he did it and it's getting to me" Anya continued listening but asked "Why does it bother you so much it's just a drunken beat down" she knew the story that Baird made up and wasn't ready to tell her different yet and Sam answered "That's just it Anya, I don't know why this is bothering me so much, I mean he kicked Baird's ass!"

Anya had ideas running through her head and was about to say something when Sam said "I feel… 'different' around him and I can't explain it" she knew she had liked him awhile ago but thought that had all gone away after the fight but this was confusing her. Anya on the other hand smirked when her friend wasn't looking and knew exactly what she meant and found that this was an amazing coincidence and now had to get Carmine back on her good side.

Anya knew that she had to stop at one point to finally let Carmine 'catch' them and leaned against a wall to get some shade from the sun. Sam said "The day before Carmine beat up Baird he did me a favor by helping me get past Dom by saying my final goodbyes in a more formal and personal way and it was that night I started feeling this" Anya motioned for Clayton to move in and said "Hey Carmine"

She saw Sam scowl at the mention of his name and she told him to leave but really didn't want to so he could finally tell Sam the truth. Anya took this opportunity to slip out. Carmine, after a bit of convincing was finally able to tell her what happened and she thought it was funnier than anything else.

She finally got talking to him again and she asked why he had left in the first place and he said he had found something and wanted to bring it back so he didn't lose it, she asked what it was but he refused to tell her and she started getting curious again. She pressed him for info but the only thing she got was it was in one of his drawers in his room and quickly made an excuse to leave.

When she knew she was far enough away she ran to his room and opened the door because they could never lock them because room keys were non-existent. She started going through his stuff went through four or five draws before finally hearing "Sam?!"

Present time…

Sam blushed after finally telling Clayton her whole story and by now they were both sitting in chairs and Clay said "So what you're saying is you liked me for a bit too?" Sam nodded still blushing and said "Well isn't that kinda obvious now?" He nodded and said "Now I got to know, why did you have to know what my mystery item was so badly?"

Sam blushed and said "Honestly I don't know I just know I have to see what it is" Clayton thought about it and said "You absolutely sure you wanna see it, I don't know someone like you probably thinks it's kinda dumb" He had occurred to him early after getting it that Sam was someone who was very complicated and that might not appreciate the pearl like a more normal girl but he had show her before she strangled him for it.

She nodded excited but also weary of what it was from what Carmine said and he walked over to the night stand beside his bed and opened the drawer. Sam felt like an idiot, of course you'd put something of importance near you when you sleep but not in a place you constantly go to. She leaned closer trying to see what it was.

Clayton pulled out a cloth and said "Here it's a cloth happy?" he joked but Sam could see something was in there and said chuckling "Alright now what's in it?" Clayton handed it to her and sat in the seat across from her waiting as she slowly un-wrapped it to tease him.

As the final fold revealed the pearl she gasped and said "Aww Clayton where'd you find this?" Clayton was relieved when she liked it and said "Well that day we were out swimming I smashed my foot against a clam and was able to pry it open while you weren't looking and inside was that" he pointed to the pearl.

She smiled and said "So this was the reason why you ended up kicking Baird's ass… wow, totally worth it I say" Clayton was happy to hear that she was ok with it and said "Well anyway now that are feelings are on the table I want to tell you that that is yours" She looked at him with disbelief and said "You… were going to give this to me? That's so sweet" She walked to him and gave him a loving hug and said "Thank you"

Clayton hugged back and rubbed her back making her hug him tighter and gave him a loving kiss that felt even better then the last one. When they finally broke the kiss they leaned their foreheads together and stood there in Carmines room in silence enjoying each other's company"

It was then that Carmine realized "This is what I'm here for, sorry bros but I ain't gonna see you for a long time and for once I'm happy about that"

**There finally got the recap from Sam's perspective done, for anyone who hated that I'm sorry but I wanted to show her side of the story and her feelings develop. There will definitely be one more chapter probably much shorter as more of an epilogue. I've even thought of making a sequel for this that will actually have action in it and not the human biology kind. Anyway I want to know what you think of this story so review and if you didn't enjoy it please tell me I want to know what I did wrong and stuff but please try not to insult me while doing it. Also one little fun fact, this is the longest chapter I've ever written, over 4.5 thousand words that awesome! Alright see ya later.**

**Admiralkirk **


	8. Epilogue

**What do I have to live for**

**Chapter 8/Epilogue**

**A/N Well here's the end I'm still trying to decide whether to do a continuation or just leaving this story at that and using the idea I have as a separate story by itself. If anyone thinks I should continue this leave a review or message me, thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed like I did. Also wanna thank joelcoxriley for giving me ideas all the way through this.**

**Epilogue**

Clayton and Sam had been dating for about a week now and they were having the time of their lives. If Clayton had thought back only two weeks ago he would've never thought that the world would be finally safe and that he'd be dating someone as great as Sam. For him he had finally found a reason to get up in the morning and he almost felt his brothers looking down on him with pride knowing that the final Carmine might continue the family name.

He had decided to tell Sam the other half of why Baird had insulted his brothers and when she heard that Carmine thought he had liked her too she only laughed thinking he couldn't possibly be serious but after telling her how Marcus agreed she finally believed him and said "Well doesn't matter even if I wasn't so totally in love with you I'd still kick his ass to the curb" Clayton laughed and remembered Baird reaction when they had announced to everyone they were going out. He was so pissed he almost had steam coming out his ears.

The pearl Clayton had given Sam had its own home now, Sam didn't know what to do with it so it sits on a small tripod that holds it in place inside their room. Sam didn't care for it much but seeing it every morning was good enough for her and frankly Clay wasn't going to argue with her.

They were on the beach and Sam was laying on her back soaking up the sun when a buckets worth of water was thrown on her and she yelped from the cold water and she saw that it was Clayton, he was laughing his ass off and Sam growled lightly in anger and said "What-t-t-t the hell C-c-c-carmine!?" she was already shivering from the cold sea water and Clayton could only laugh harder and he saw Sam get to her feet to kick his ass and he ran for the water and just before Sam could grab him he was able to dive in the water and yelled when he was a fair bit away from her "Hey is Sam afraid of the water or does Clayton have to drop her in again!"

Sam glared daggers at him yelled "You're gonna eat those words my friend!" then she without hesitation dived in too elegantly and Carmine watched where she'd surface but he never saw her until he felt someone wrap their arms around his chest trying to tackle him but he didn't budge. He lifted his arm to see under it and found Sam who was trying to push him and said "Sorry playing with Cole has helped me out a lot from being taken down"

Sam stopped and said "Well bugger I guess I'll have to do something else now" Clayton said "Damn now I have to learn how to stop that when you figure it out" Sam smiled and said getting closer to him "Aww come on Clayton you're a big strong guy how I possible hurt you" Clayton rolled his eyes and said "Well Baird pretty big too and you've beat him in straight up fights" Sam rolled her eyes and said "Well that's because Blondie doesn't know how to hit a girl"

Carmine said "I'm pretty sure there's no proper way to hit a girl" they both laughed and they hugged and Carmine said "I love you" It may not have been the ideal time to have a romantic moment but in a world that had monsters everywhere you generally think of any moment you're alive a good time for a romantic moment. She smiled and said "I love you too Carm" they kissed and suddenly Carmine pushed Sam away making her fall in the water and laughed but started running when he saw her angry face.

The End

**Well there you have it the end, I don't have much else to say except send a review or message me if you wanna give me an opinion on a sequel or not. Thanks for reading and remember "I'll be back"**

**Admiralkirk**


End file.
